Max

HELLO

2005-11-05T06:37:31Z

Its the first entry in...two years? Almost two years. I've rediscovered the internet...addiction will follow.

silveracorn @ 2004-02-13T02:23:00

2004-02-13T07:54:54Z

Today was my birthday and it rocked. Or, at least the birthday part rocked and the going to class part kinda sucked. It rocked after class. First, I went to the forge for the first time since I've been back. It was cool. Apparently I make really scary looking objects in blacksmithing...I made this S-hook for my towel in the shower- simply a double-ended hook that I hang from the shower wall. Jean saw the hook one day after I left it in there and thought that a murderer had left a weapon, or that Captain Hook had came to our bathroom. I guess I am secretly manufacturing medieval weapons in the dark underground of Hampshire, the seedy side.

So after the forge I went out to dinner with the kids, making me wear a blindfold was we drove to the resaurant. Jean was driving, don't worry, not me. I thought they wanted me to drive blindfolded at first. Reminds me of the time in Jersey when we played the stoned driving games. They took me to Aqua Vita, which is where my mom used to eat with my grandparents when she was a little kid. Its a cute Italian place just next to the bridge going into Northampton. We got stuck in traffic for twenty minutes, and I was blindfolded the whole time. It was so disorienting. I recomend playing games in the future involving blindfolds.

Came back from din and bought limes on the way home. Jason gave me fake moustaches, I got candy in the mail from my mom and a pair of gloves and toe socks. Drank some tequila a bit later, wore Paul's sweet kilt- awesome piece of clothing by the way. Dance, dance.. "can't buy me love" and "no rain"! Sublime and Green Day and all the Madonna you could ask for on a silver platter. I love our dance parties on E-4. We!fucking! rock the house! E-4 is the sweetest place to live, with all the sweetest people you could imagine. And other awesome people come to visit and just become part of the E-4 experiance.

I'm nineteen, 61 years away from getting married to Letty and settling down with her on a sheep and weed farm in Ireland, both of us crotchity, stoned, too old to have sex. Imagine a reatreat into total and complete fantasy, on the edges of a world that will have changed so much. I think the world will change for better, within our lifetimes. THE REVOLUTION HAS STARTED.
with you

class is ass

2004-02-09T20:31:49Z

I gotta go to class in a half hour. I wanna just curl up and read. Let me have my time to curl up and read! Livejournal is just a simple form of procrastination.

verify me

2004-02-07T20:30:55Z

I have been in constant limbo. Lots of reading about Gandhi. I've been dreaming about him a lot. Thats what happens when you read a shitload about one person, you dream about them. But Gandhi is a special person to dream about, very good, comforting dreams in which I seem to be meeting a reasurring guide figure.

Let me know if this drags. I just got back to my room from an extended walk through the Hampshire woods. I love my boots. They're tough, and waterproof, and make me feel like a fisherman. I feel like living here in MA is turning me into my grandfather. We wear the same clothes and have the same smoking habits and the same perverse sense of humor. I wonder what I'll be like when I reach my ninties. Maybe I'll act like I'm eighteen then.

back to school, drool

2004-01-26T02:05:45Z

So I came back to Amherst and was greeted by gust of negative twenty degree wind. Its frickin cold up here. Its so cold that it can be dangerous walking around without bundling up. Frostbite, anyone? So I came back to the mess I left my room, a reminder of the crazy dance parties and drunkeness of Sam, Michela, and Jen's visit during Jan term. My room smelled like mold and gross milk. Empty bottles of tequila and rum and fruit juice litter my desk. Oh, that was a fun visit. It made me sad to have to clean those memories up.

The room is clean now and people are coming back for the spring semester. I've been busying myself with my knitting. My scarf is almost done, thank god. I need it in this damn cold. There's not much to do except stay inside the warmth of the dorm. I went to a party last night, held in honor of a particular type of soda from Kentucky...Ale-8-1, anyone heard of it? So we all drank this Ale-8-1 stuff and dressed up as super-heroes and super-villains. I had to dress as a super-villain...so I used my old Halloween costume and dressed as an evil gnome sorceror. I wrapped a tapestry around my shoulders to keep warm. It rocked. After getting a little drunk me and a few other kids walked around to find other parties. After braving the dangerous cold we found some parties in the Prescott apartments, but they kinda sucked so we left. I came home to Lia watching Malcolm in the Middle episodes in her super-warm room. We stayed up late knitting together. Its so nice that everyone on my floor knits. Its such a nice wintertime activity. I'll always remember the last night of my break, knitting in my family room with Jen and Lisa in front of the fire for hours. I miss you guys.

silveracorn @ 2003-10-22T22:07:00

2003-10-23T02:09:28Z

Its thirty degrees outside and might as well be winter. Everyone, play some Eliot Smith tonight.

Tornadoes in MA

2003-09-24T00:14:11Z

Whenver I need anything from "the outside" (the world outside of this little universe of the campus) I get in the car and drive to the Citgo. The Citgo is about three miles down the road from my school, between some fields, a liquour store, and some houses, sitting alone with no other gas stations around.
So I was driving and glancing up at the sky. The clouds were wierd- swirling around in strange patterns and colored a mixture of bright oranges and thick, soupy greys. I went to the gas station and heard some people mentioning a tornado outside. I went outside, drove away, and kept glancing around my windshield. I drove by a field, where the trees weren't blocking the view of the mountain range, and saw the tornado. It was a loose column of grey wisps coming down from a larger grey cloud above it. I drove around for a while looking for a good place to park and look at it, but by the time I found a spot, the tornado was gone.
I thought it was the most amazing thing to see. I've never seen a tornado before and never expected to see one, especially outside of Kansas or some place like that.
I just wanted to share my tornado adventure. Wow, I don't know why, but describing it makes it seem more real. I don't want to forget. The image of a tornado, something I thought I'd never see, made me feel strangely good.

and WHEEEE!

2003-09-21T17:55:06Z

I went to New Hampshire, walked around Portsmouth, and WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!! Then I drove home in the hot, hazy weather, with the windows down, and WHEEEEEEEEEE!!!! Then I got home and it was Saturday night and everyone was partying and WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!! Then I had fun and went to the tennis courts and 'played tennis' and WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!! Then I went to sleep and dreamed about going to Italy and WHEEEE!

I'm not on crack.

sweet nothings

2003-09-16T02:36:47Z

Its ten twenty in the PM and, in retrospect, I've had a fine day. My only class today (monday) is Fiction Studio at four o'clock. Its a pretty sweet schedule for a monday. I spent a lot of the day sitting outside reading. The weather was grey all day, a bit rainy here and there, but the air was warm for once and the air was good. I've been spending too much time inside for my own good. INSIDE IS BAD. Inside air is stale and re-circulated. Outside air comes from trees and growing things and tastes like green.

There are loud kids outside my window every night. They sit on the stoop four floors below and talk every night, from around eleven till one in the morning or so. Mostly they just talk really loud, telling jokes and smoking their cigarettes. Some kid is riding a skateboard out there right now. I kinda like knowing that other people are awake when I go to sleep. Its almost like they're guarding the front door to our building, keeping mischief-doers out. We had our fourth fire alarm last night. We had two alarms go off in one night last week. One went off at eleven or so, the other at two in the morning. I was awake for the first, but the second woke me up and I was pissed. The fire department must hate us.

I'm going to a blacksmithing workshop the day after tommorrow. I've been wanting to do that for a long time and now I finally can. It'll be sweet. Maybe I won't have to spend money on Christmas presents this year. I'll just make people S-hooks and fire-pokers and other useful metal things. I need to stop doing homework and go bang on really hot peices of metal instead. Oh yess.

Thats it. Nothing new. Just the same old sweet nothings. I'm just sitting at my desk, playing peek-a-boo with the stars.

keeping touch

2003-08-29T05:37:20Z

This is my first update in a very long time. I think keeping touch is a good thing, so this is one of the ways I'm doing it. And its a great thing to have a journal to log the beginning of every new phase of life.
I'm a college kid now. It doesn't really seem real yeat, that I'm actually here and here to stay. Today was my second day of living on campus. My move-in was cool and smooth and easy. The folk on my floor are hip to meet one another, friendliness is in the air. It is much different than I expected. Meeting people is easier than I thought, but one can never tell how serious these first-week-of-college-friendships really are. Everyone wants friends immediatley, so we all jump to get with the groove and pretend like we've all been friends for years. Its not artificial at all, but it seems like more serious friendships need much more time to develop.
I spent the first day walking around, moving in, and going to orientation seminars and activities. Today I went to more orientation activities, but I skipped out on a lot of them to go hiking in the woods instead. Molly and I (she's an old friend from Jersey) said 'fuck you' to the Date Rape assembaly and went for a nature walk. I saw it in high school anyway.
My orientation group is a cool bunch of earth spirits. We spend time hiking around and eating wild plants and gathering firewood. We made a campfire today on the edge of the woods and sat around for a bunch of hours....singing, guitar playing, throwing our fears into the fire and telling stories about a dude called 'Old Man Coyote'. He's a tricky fella yaknow, and he's out there, OUT THERE (*dramatic pointing motions*) pulling tricks and getting kicks. He has a magic bag that holds many treasures, including a little brown bird, a piece of the morning star, and thunder.
I figured out a way to smoke cigarettes in my "NON-SMOKING" room today...I feel like such a bad-ass. Incense covers all, and a fan, and a window.. keep it in mind, all you departing college students.
I miss certain things very strongly. I want to go to the diner, and the bowling alley, and the movies. I want some Coca-Cola. I haven't had any in a few days. My skin crawls for it like heroin. I need to go to town and stock up on some supplies. And I really need to organize my room and buy some decor. Right now its pretty boring in here. It has the potential of being the hippest bear's den ever. Small, cozy, warm for winter, and hip to be hibernated in. End sentances with prepositions. DO IT, BREAK THE RULES. RULES ARE FOR REPUBLICANS. FUCK BUSH. When you go to that special place, end sentances with prepositions there.
I'm looking out my window for the first time in my life and seeing stars.

My Trip

2003-04-22T04:15:42Z

I can't type when I don't use a computer for more than four days in a row. So I'll make it quick, for the sake of my frustrated fingers which spent ten hours today glued to my mom's steering wheel, spanning I-95.

Farms and cows and sheep giving birth to summer and the next four years. And woods and streams and good friends/neighbors. At college I'll live in a 'doughnut' mod-apartment...doesnt that sound fun? I think I've said enough but I am still dancing from it all in my brain.

goodnight sunday

2003-03-18T00:38:05Z

Its monday night and I have too much to do in too little time. School work comes second only to artistic expression. And going out to diners is artistic expression so I think I'll do that and call it even.

This weekend I had the house to myself...from Saturday afternoon through monday afternoon. I love havin the house to myself. Its nice to feel like the landlord, who must take care of the utilities, but also has the freedom to sit on the back porch all day and all night, listening to music out there with the back door open only an inch. I love the feeling of having my own place. I stayed in all weekend, except for when I went to see Les Mis on Sunday, but left early becaused I missed my house and my back porch. I can honestly see myself becoming a recluse in my later years, and I don't think I mind that at all.

I'm knocking at forest doors, calling up to its balconies, shouting "Where have your leaves fallen too?"

hello springtime

2003-03-09T20:25:20Z

Its March and I'm marching into livejournal for the first time in a long long time. I've missed you, typing keys and comments, and one inch by one inch icons symbolizing faces and smiling shapes.

Its March and there's soo much to be doing right now. I've got big plans for moving outta my house and into my shed. We built it two years ago, but stopped in mid-construction. A few more pieces of insulation need to be put in, some boards need to be nailed down, and then, I'll have a nice place to live. Its like I'm a squirrel, moving into a cozy tree-nook. Sometimes, I'm even highminded enough to compare my shed with Throeau's over at Walden Pond in Concord, MA. I visited there last April and I even read parts of the book, so I can at least draw up some parallels between good ol' Henry David and me. At other times, when I'm less optimistic, I feel like the uni-bomber, who also lived and worked in a small cabin in the middle of the woods. Spooky.

But my shed is an innocent place- no bombs. It'll be an experiment in living deliberatley. I'm hoping to get out there by mid-April. What else is up? Lets see.

I'm getting excited about spring. The first signs have been appearing over the last two weeks. Today it was about fifty degrees outside, and it'll only get warmer. Lets track the season from month to month: March- the air gets warmer, the sun comes back and you can feel the heat on your skin when you stand in direct sunlight, the grass gets greener again around mid- March (around St. Patrick's Day- happily ironic), birds start singing...April, it rains a lot, grass grows, buds begin to open and some green appears in the beginning of the month, leaves bloom by the end of the month, some flowers come up....May, leaves mature, flowers come up everywhere, the air smells good, its my favorite month.

Once June comes, its summer.

humdrum...i'm in a school comp lab

2003-02-04T16:36:49Z

we're doing these dumdum projects in history that make me feel really blank. i am convinced by this class that some teachers think of school as a daycare, not a place for learning. my school is a big teenage daycare center.

Into the second half.

2003-01-29T03:36:25Z

Its exciting to be off and into our second half of this year. The apex was today, and its all downhill from here on until June. Spring is peeping from around a little corner, one and a half months away.

"Before you drift off, don't forget, which is to say remember, because remembering is so much more a psychotic activity than forgeting...the Igauna will bite those who do not dream"

apple sauce is queen

2002-12-31T08:03:58Z

Sugar1star: give me your phone number.
Sugar1star: now.
amgessman: 429-029....
Sugar1star: grr
amgessman: what'll you give me for the last digit
Sugar1star: apple sauce?
amgessman: ok, here it is

FUNK

2002-12-17T00:01:20Z

I am the FUNK MUFFLER! Here me roar with the wrath of falling mountains.

Today, a day for diners and dilly-dally. Tommorrow, a day for a Tuesday label.
PEACE.

These Thursday Thoughts

2002-12-13T02:57:37Z

SO...today I picked up my fixed car at the mechanic's shop. I've been to that shop way too much this year, as my car has been breaking at least once a month since summertime. Not fun, but Lisa was with me so I had company. Then we went to Friendly's, where we were waited upon by a new guy. He was learning the tricks of the trade and did a fine job, I must say, for his first day. We left and went to Lisa's, where we both fell asleep and Lisa was kinda almost late for work. Her mixed CD is really awesome- it has Guster, Crosby/Stills/Nash/Young, and Neutral Milk Hotel, all packed into one!

Tommorrow is a half day, and then I'm going to see Star Trek. Oh yes.....after, maybe a night on the town? Who knows? I hope...the town awaits.

One, two, three...a pouch of cough drops for you

2002-12-09T05:12:35Z

One drop, two drop drop, three drop drop drop....a pouch of cough drops for you. Tonight, I'm running on a good vibe, and studying up on ways to keep myself coasting. I feel like I'm narrowing down on some things, and beginning to understand things that have been confusing me. Its like stepping back and looking at a bigger picture, not trying to discern it detail by detail, but looking at it all at once and focusing in and out on different sections, seeing how they form patterns and give context to the larger image. So to speak; what a great extended metaphor/simile/what-have-you!

Yes, but today was a day for days ahead to look back a couple of days to past days and days even farther back and every dog day in between. Searching out for days is like searching through an archive of dusty old calenders, torn and yellowed like newspapers from the fifties tucked under attic boxes.

Sometimes, my desktop lamp droops its head and looks sad. Its built on a hinge, and the hinge is loose, so the head of the lamp weighs itself down and it "gets all droopy". Its really sad, making it seem like it has a personality, or an inner spirit. Like all the characters from Beauty and the Beast, inanimate objects that could walk and talk and SING.

Be our guest, tra la la la la. I'm really happy tonight.

This has been the week

2002-12-08T06:12:04Z

I have been feeling kinda down lately, along with everyone else it seems. I have very few things keeping me going right now, but those influences are strong and consistent. Everthing is so different lately, it seems like I've moved into a new life. I am having trouble because I am so used to things staying the same all the time. I resist change, even when that change is healthy and beautiful.

There is definitly one VERY HAPPY change in my life that I can thankfully lean upon for support. Energy is down, but someone is here to hold my hand and kiss my brow with her blessings. Its nice, and so amazingly new for me. I can't help but feel like things timed themselves out perfectly for whatever purpose, so I can at least believe that things are following a set pattern that is leading to better days. Everything that happens is perfectly leading us to where we are. And then too, where we are going.

The road ahead is completly veiled. At least last year we could say, "oh but I know we still have one more year here in Cherry Hill" but we can't say that anymore. We could always expect where we were going to be, here stuck in childhood. But now, we don't know where exactly we will be next year, or what we will be doing. This makes things hard for me, and everyone else going through the same insecurity. Its almost like these next months are a time for us to iron out all the wrinkles, before high school ends. Time to tie up loose ends, and find some sense of completion and peace. So then, we can walk away from our years as children with a sense of closure, knowing that we achieved true growth in where we were. I know I will miss parts of it, and countless other aspects. Theres still lots of time, but probably not as much as I think.

I feel better. My room is clean, my bed is made, and my journal is updated.

Wintry Sweet sweet sweet

2002-12-03T22:49:52Z

Its December and its cold to prove the point. I just can't wait till we get some snow...and then maybe, some good ole' snow days. We need some snow days before graduating from the gradeschool/highschool era of our lives. When I think of good times during the middle of the weak, two things come to mind: snow days and friday. Today is tuesday, but thats okay, because Demo is tommorrow and it might snow.

I can't wait till I can develope those pictures from the supermarket, the magic forest, the park, etc. Blood was shed over the creation of those pictures. BLOOD!!!

I feel lonely tonight. Tonights a night for lovin'. Gimme gimme, gimme some TLC.

Who Needs College??? Tell Me WHO!

2002-11-12T02:41:09Z

I could be perfectly happy going to vocational school, but Cherry Hill places taboo-status on such endeavors, meh. I wanna be an apprentice to a great mentor-figure that teaches me the ins and outs of a certain trade, and passes on his liftetime legacy to me. And then I would carry on the traditions so to speak and take up my own apprentice someday. Yes yes yes like a carpenter......
La te da, and I am the starlight dulcimer, never doubt it.

I just want to retire

2002-11-06T03:37:00Z

School is such a drag lately that my mind has been wandering off to the future....thinking about things that won't happen for twenty or so years. I reallly just want to retire into a simpler life. I want to have a little house to retreat into for a couple months every year, without telephones or TVs or anything like that.

Now my mind is spinning again. Its scary, and I feel so powerless. I feel like I'm spinning off track, farther than I've ever gone. And its all just part of the wheel, I know. I feel like I'm standing on the fine edge of a knife, ready to be blown off by breezes. I can't hide how scared I really am. At least I know that these feelings/times/thoughts/routines don't last forever. Everyone hears about how every cell in the human body recycles itslef every seven years. I wish I could take myself and everything around me and jusr recycle it brand new, and polish off all the things that make me unhappy.

Tommorrw starts a long weekend...

times been a passin'

2002-10-07T22:44:20Z

Tickity tock the shortstop clock, I say into my hand, wanting you to hear but trying to make it look like I'm just talking to myself. Its like those single picked guitar strings, or that fading pink in the sky- those evening colors that come and go on the breath of clouds, like wispy smoke, here and gone in less than a second. Crying violin strings and plucked chords from harps, hitting noted song bits in my heart.

I am trying so hard to see through all this I've been passing through. I think though, that I do not pass at all. The times pass through me, and I will remain forever unchanged. I am standing up straight, waiting for a new wave of days. The clock time ticks away, and new suns will rise tommorrow.

Where...where....where have I been?

2002-09-06T02:59:46Z

School came today and left me excited for the future but still a little sad. Summer seems dead to me, and I am afraid and anxious about the next months. I want to retain everything that this summer involved and the growth that took place, but I also want to be able to grow more in the newly re-found school life mode. Does that sense make??!

I guess...its nostalgia. Sweet and buttery like the toast I had for breakfast. When you take bites of toast, you can really see the shape your teeth make through the bread. My front teeth are a bit more accentuated, I think I may have noticed this morning. I can't wait....for something. I started that sentance and didn't know how to finish it. But I can't wait for something, some event that will happen soon, but something that I can't really define.

To think that winter is coming breaks my heart.